<b>The US government has a new website</b>
<P>

<H1>The US government has a new website</H1>
<P>
The US government has a new website, 
<A href="http://www.ready.gov/">http://www.ready.gov/</A>. It's another
attempt at scare mongering in the style of the old "duck and cover" advice 
after WWII.
<P>
The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean 
anything! Here are a few interpretations.
<P>
<IMG src="image1.png" alt="Image 1"><BR>
<I>If you have set yourself on fire, do not run.</I>
<P>
<IMG src="image2.png" alt="Image 2"><BR>
<I>If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin 
Diesel, yell really loud.</I>
<P>

<IMG src="image3.png" alt="Image 3"><BR>
<I>If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your 
shoulder.</I>
<P>
<IMG src="image4.png" alt="Image 4"><BR>
<I>If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about a 
cool design for a new tattoo.</I>
<P>
<IMG src="image5.png" alt="Image 5"><BR>
<I>Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!</I>
<P>
<IMG src="image6.png" alt="Image 6"><BR>
<I>The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at 
least one(1) armless hand.</I>
<P>
<IMG src="image7.png" alt="Image 7"><BR>

<I>Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with 
dead, dead eyes, run the hell away.</I>
<P>
<IMG src="image8.png" alt="Image 8"><BR>
<I>Hurricanes, animal corpses and your potential new tattoo have a lot in 
common. Think about it.</I> 
<P>
<IMG src="image9.png" alt="Image 9"><BR>
<I>Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they 
tend to rub their hands together manically.</I>
<P>
<IMG src="image10.png" alt="Image 10"><BR>
<I>If a door is closed, karate chop it open.</I>
<P>
<IMG src="image11.png" alt="Image 11"><BR>
<I>Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin 
region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile.</I>

<P>
<IMG src="image12.png" alt="Image 12"><BR>
<I>After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may 
have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.</I>
<P>
<IMG src="image13.png" alt="Image 13"><BR>
<I>If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to 
close the window. No one wants to see that shit.</I>
<P>
<IMG src="image14.png" alt="Image 14"><BR>
<I>If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, 
cower in the corner or run like hell.</I>
<P>
<IMG src="image15.png" alt="Image 15"><BR>
<I>If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until 
they stop.</I>
<P>

<IMG src="image16.png" alt="Image 16"><BR>
<I>If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.</I>
<P>
<IMG src="image17.png" alt="Image 17"><BR>
<I>If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look 
for it.</I>
<P>
<IMG src="image18.png" alt="Image 18"><BR>
<I>Do not drive a stations wagon if a power pole is protruding from the 
hood.</I>
<P>
<IMG src="image19.png" alt="Image 19"><BR>
<I>A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against 
radiation.</I>
<P>
<IMG src="image20.png" alt="Image 20"><BR>

<I>Always remember to carry food with you during a terrorist attack. At least 
you'll be able to enjoy a nice coke and apple before you die.</I>