<b>The US government has a new websiteb> 
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<H1>The US government has a new websiteH1> 
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The US government has a new website,  
<A href="http://www.ready.gov/">http://www.ready.gov/A>. It's another 
attempt at scare mongering in the style of the old "duck and cover" advice  
after WWII. 
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The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean  
anything! Here are a few interpretations. 
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<IMG src="image1.png" alt="Image 1"><BR> 
<I>If you have set yourself on fire, do not run.I> 
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<IMG src="image2.png" alt="Image 2"><BR> 
<I>If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin  
Diesel, yell really loud.I> 
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<IMG src="image3.png" alt="Image 3"><BR> 
<I>If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your  
shoulder.I> 
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<IMG src="image4.png" alt="Image 4"><BR> 
<I>If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about a  
cool design for a new tattoo.I> 
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<IMG src="image5.png" alt="Image 5"><BR> 
<I>Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!I> 
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<IMG src="image6.png" alt="Image 6"><BR> 
<I>The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at  
least one(1) armless hand.I> 
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<IMG src="image7.png" alt="Image 7"><BR> 

<I>Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with  
dead, dead eyes, run the hell away.I> 
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<IMG src="image8.png" alt="Image 8"><BR> 
<I>Hurricanes, animal corpses and your potential new tattoo have a lot in  
common. Think about it.I>  
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<IMG src="image9.png" alt="Image 9"><BR> 
<I>Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they  
tend to rub their hands together manically.I> 
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<IMG src="image10.png" alt="Image 10"><BR> 
<I>If a door is closed, karate chop it open.I> 
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<IMG src="image11.png" alt="Image 11"><BR> 
<I>Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin  
region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile.I> 

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<IMG src="image12.png" alt="Image 12"><BR> 
<I>After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may  
have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.I> 
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<IMG src="image13.png" alt="Image 13"><BR> 
<I>If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to  
close the window. No one wants to see that shit.I> 
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<IMG src="image14.png" alt="Image 14"><BR> 
<I>If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio,  
cower in the corner or run like hell.I> 
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<IMG src="image15.png" alt="Image 15"><BR> 
<I>If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until  
they stop.I> 
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<IMG src="image16.png" alt="Image 16"><BR> 
<I>If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.I> 
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<IMG src="image17.png" alt="Image 17"><BR> 
<I>If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look  
for it.I> 
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<IMG src="image18.png" alt="Image 18"><BR> 
<I>Do not drive a stations wagon if a power pole is protruding from the  
hood.I> 
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<IMG src="image19.png" alt="Image 19"><BR> 
<I>A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against  
radiation.I> 
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<IMG src="image20.png" alt="Image 20"><BR> 

<I>Always remember to carry food with you during a terrorist attack. At least  
you'll be able to enjoy a nice coke and apple before you die.I>