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Nick: Christal
Oggetto: Maybe A Day
Data: 14/3/2006 9.4.1
Visite: 142
Maybe a day
Sometimes you look a old war film and discover your hart full of anxiety. You are there looking the subtitles and you’ve the bosom oppressed, the breath short, immovable and inactive eyes lost in the void of the room.
You wash your face and look yourself on the mirror, those images are still in your mind, that story which as absurd as really make you aware of which horrendous thing the human is able to do…
You cry, lowly and silently, but you cry, whit painful and suffering expressions, you hold back yourself to don’t abandon in a weeping beyond control. Your anxiety slowly flows in those teardrops, you allow them to go but doing it you taste them with bitterness and sadness.
It isn’t the first time the you realize which monstrosities the human can do, though it seems just the first time for you… it’s always the first time when you haven’t never want accept it, it’s always for the one that as you will never accept it. He doesn’t deny its clear existence, He can’t, but He will never subdue him to its will, He will never comprehend, He will never be content of the thousands psychological explanations, always He will condemn it, without reserve, without half measures.
And you cry, cry a bit more, because the anxiety haven’t yet leave you, because perhaps, in a way or in a other, it will never leave you… so you are content to abandon it till the point that you can, till to can recover the reason and to discuss of what follows:
I knew already that film, I’ve already looked it, it’s a nice film. I knew already that story so absurd and really, that horrendous images, that hard contents, that strong words. I was aware about what I feel while I look that film, aware about the anxiety, the sadness, the internal conflict, about the teardrops and the suffering… but though…
Though when the film started I haven’t changed channel, I’ve not think about to change.
Though I began to look whit "pleasure", I was almost "happy" to have found something "nice" to watch on TV.
Pleasure; Happy; Nice;
Anxiety; Suffering; Crying;
How this thing can match each other, what tangency point they have in common?
Sure, someone can cry for happyness sometimes, He can have a pleased anxiety in some particular situation. But my crying wasn’t for joy, my anxiety wasn’t pleased, it was one of the worst, it was oppressive and this one gives merely suffering.
Why I’ve looked the film although I knew what I would have felt?
Because I had to? Because we must know certain things?
No, I already know them, I’ve already looked that film and I know its message and its teaching, I haven’t looked it to fix something in my mind, not to repeat an important concept… no!
The truth is that the film is exciting, yes, it gets anxiety and suffering… it’s exciting! And the emotion, in general sense, hasn’t obstacle in the human nature. There isn’t thing most wanted, most desired and craved… the emotion!
The joy sometimes, and sometimes the sadness, the happiness as the suffering. They are merely faces of the same medal, the emotion. In every way it reach us, we accept always it, always we desire it.
So I understand that also the pain is dear for us, it also comes pleasing, and we need it as we need the joy. I’m not able to explain why it’s so, but in the facts it’s just so.
The human go toward also the unpleasant emotion, He welcomes them in himself and He’s grateful to them. And then I understand we mustn’t avoid the pain not exorcize it. I realize that though we haven’t to follow it, we need to learn to live it, fully, well as the joy.
And maybe someday we will discover that every thing has the same root, perhaps, but only perhaps, someone will tell us that the pain and the joy, the suffering and the happiness are just the same thing. Then we will able to explain for example why the love and the suffering are so frequently in partnership, we will understand that there isn’t joy where there isn’t pain. And we will give a ampler meaning to the word serenity, and in it we will include the weep because we will understand that don’t exist teardrops of joy or pain, that a teardrop is valid as a smile and that the one as the other contains the most moving mysterious of to be human.
